"Why Me?"

“Why Me?”

Posted October 11th 2011 at 9:06 AM

“Everyone turn to page 222 in your science textbook!” says Mrs. Eberle, my third grade teacher.  “Hey look guys it’s Amber!” yells Charles.  All of a sudden I’m surrounded by laughter.  “What is everyone laughing at?” I ask myself.  As my eyes slowly scroll down the page, I come across a picture of a gorilla.  “Ok class, settle down, that’s enough” Mrs. Eberle yells.  “Let them laugh, it’s too late; the damage has already been done,” I say to myself.  Children never forget the names they are called.  Verbal bullying is not only traumatizing but mentally scares it’s victims for a lifetime.

To some people being called a gorilla in class is humiliating and embarrassing, but for me it’s just a typical happening in the life of Amber Mitchell.  I get called all kinds of names daily like “bear” and “pig”; they even make animal noises too.  “Fatty”, “fatso”, “ugly”, “Godzilla”, yep that’s me.  I’ve been accused of breaking a swing, the desk, and getting stuck on the slide at recess.  I tell myself every time they laugh at me “sticks and stones may break my bones but words sure can’t hurt me”, but it doesn’t help ease the pain in my heart or my eyes from watering.  “Don’t let’em see you cry,” I tell myself because it will only make things worse.

I don’t know why they’re so mean to me; I’m so nice to them.  “Hey Amber, can I borrow a pencil?” Charles, the main kid who makes my life a living hell asks.  “Sure” I say, even though he’s so cruel.  “Hey Amber, did you do your homework? Can I see it?” asks Brittney.  “Sure” I say.  After all Brittney’s my friend even though she laughs along with the others and sometimes ignores me, she’s still my friend. I just know it.

“Hippo” Jason yells as I pass him in the hallway.  That’s it I can’t take it anymore, I’ve had enough for the day.  I want my mommy.  I look down at my yellow tweetybird watch that my gran bought me.  It reads 2:55.  “Yes,” I say to myself; only five more minutes until I’m free.  “Ringggg” the afternoon bell sounds.  I grab my backpack and race to my bus. It seems like the bus is taking forever today.  Finally an hour later (well at least that’s what it feels like), the bus pulls up to my stop. 

As soon as I walk into the door and look at my mom in her eyes, she can instantly tell that something’s wrong with me.  I burst into tears; I can’t hold it anymore.  My mom grabs me by my hands and pulls me in close.  “Oh Amber” she says.  “It’s okay baby don’t worry about those mean kids or what they say! You hear me?”  “Yes ma’am” I say.  We share this exact same moment every day.   Sadly it’s become a routine.  My mom knows all about the mean kids at school and what they call me.  She’s even had a conference with my teacher, but nothing has changed. 

For the rest of the night I stay confined in my room, crying my heart out.  “I just don’t get it, why me?” I say.  I go stand in the bathroom to look in the mirror.  I slowly turn in a circle to look at all of my body angles.  “What are those kids talking about?” I ask myself.  I’m 5’7, 230 pounds, and wear a size 11 shoe.   “That’s normal right?” I say.  All of a sudden it hits me; who am I kidding.  “I am huge, I am a gorilla” I shout as I look at myself in the mirror.  I hit the ground and sob, “they’re right” I say.  I’m ugly and fat and fat and ugly.  “Oh God”, I whisper as water fills my face.  Then suddenly I hear my mom coming, so I quickly dry my face and blow my nose.  My mom yells “It’s time for bed Amber.”  “Okay” I say. 

As a say my prayer to God (which I do every night before I actually get into bed) I say to God:  “why did you make me this way.  I just wanna be normal.  Please make me normal God.  Then the kids at school will stop making fun of me and will be my friend.  Why me God, I don’t understand.  Why did you make me this way? Why?”  

I have come to understand that God will never put anything before me that I could not handle and that there is a reason for everything. Even almost 10 years later I still remember the names I was called when I was younger; which still haunt me.  Since the third grade I have lost over 70 pounds, but mentally I still view myself as the fat girl.  On a positive note my confidence and self-esteem has slowly increased over the years.  Children need to be educated on the negativity and effects of bullying.  No child deserves to experience the emotional and mental pain that I felt growing up because of verbal bullying. 

TOPIC B

               Khaled Hosseini reveals a very degrading and condescending attitude of the Afgan people when exploring the issue of gender relations in the middle eastern country through examples of the literary elements of forshadowing and characterization in the novel A Thousand Splendid Suns.  Throughout the world in some places social injustice based on gender is heard off but definetly not a common thing or way of life, but in middle east and surrounding countries social injustice based on gender is apart of culture and tradition.  Nana states, " the role of women is to endure".  This quote not only gives readers insight into the mindframe of an average Afgan woman but also informs us of how society labeled women in Afgan.  Nana's words reveal to the reader that many of the women in Afgan have settled into a lifestyle where they don't try to break the barriers and make more out of themselves.  The women have accepted society's thought of how they should live their lives and their true purpose in the country.  Hosseini's use of characterization reveals Rasheed, Mariam's husband ,as a steroetyped or stock character because his actions and thoughts are that of a typical Afgan man.  Rasheed states to Mariam, "Well, then, as of tomorrow morning I expect you to start behaving as a wife...Is that understood?"(pg.65)  Rasheed comes across as a controlling man who wants things done his way and his way only.  The quote reveals that Rasheed expects Mariam to be a typical traditional wife who cooks, cleans,  and most importantly caters to his every need.  Rasheed also says to Mariam," But I'm a different breed of a man, Mariam.  Where I come from, one wrong look, one improper word, and blood is spilled.  Where I come from a womens face is her husband's business only.  I want you to remember that.  Do you understand?"(pg.70)  On top of him previously being revealed as a controlling man, it is now revealed that Rasheed is the alpha male, that he is assertive, agressesive and even violent.  However it is and was not just Rasheed who possess these character traits, it is and was the common characteristics of an Afgan man.  This quote also reveals some characteristics of not only Mariam but the other Afgan women because because after Rasheed stated his commands and requests Mariam didn't say anything.  She didn't stand up for herself, she just unquestionably summitted to her husband as most of the Afgan woman did and many still do today.  The message that one can take from the gender relations unveiled in the novel is that one is ultimately in charge of how they are treated because if one stands up and demands respect or refuses to be treated and talked to a certain way eventually your voice will be heard.

TOPIC C

              Mariam, one of the main characters in the novel A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini, is at a constant battle with herself about her role in the tragic death of her mother and displays a very remorseful attitude when trying to accept the event because of the simple fact that she actually left home (her mother) and feels worse when she figures out that her mother was right all along about the true character of her father Jalil and about what her life would be like without her mother in it.  Nana states, "You think you're a daughter to him? That he's going to take you in? I'm the only one who loves you. I'm all you have in the world, Mariam, and when I'm gone you'll have nothing." (pg.27)  In the beginning of the novel Mariam acted as a know-it-all in the relationship between her and her mother.  She thought of her mother to be bitter and wrong about not only Jalil but about life especially hers and when talking to her mother she didn't take her words seriously.  Unfortuanetly, Mariam's life was turned upside down when Jalil agreed to enter her into an arrangged marriage where she would live far away him rather than allow her to stay with him.  After her mother's death Mariam was also hit with the harsh reality that in fact she had no one in her life but herself.  The event that really sparked the inner constant battle of emotions inside Mariam was when Mariam actually left her mother to visit her father because Nana clearly stated to Mariam, "I'll die if you go."(pg.27) but, Mariam still took off to Kabul anyway.   When  Mariam's mother really did die, it left a burden on Mariam because of the thought that the sole reason of her mother committing suicide was all her fault.  Mariam's acknowledgement and acceptance of her mother's death contributed to the work as a whole because from Mullah Faizullah she learned that "behind every trial and every sorrow that he make us shoulder, God has a reason."(pg. 38.)  Mariam was able to come to terms with herself and understand that the death of her mother happened for a reason and that it wasn't her fault.  The overall mesage that Khaled Hosseini wanted to reveal from all the hardships, trials and tribulations that Mariam faced throughout her life after her mother died, is that what dosen't kill you makes you stronger because Mariam was eventually able to overcome numerous obstacles presented to her throughout her life.